My time in Kenya is nearing an end. We finished our final ward rounds on Friday with bittersweet emotions. It was a mixture of relief to not have to watch the suffering as well as an overwhelming sense of desperation to stay and help where ever I can.
In a way, my time in Kenya has come full circle. You may remember my frustration I expressed in my early days here, and as I left on my final day my frustration had returned. More so for differing reasons, but the walk home was like déjà vu of my walk home from my first solo day on the ward.
Though my emotions are swirling and I’ve felt tormented at times, I wouldn’t trade a single second of my time here. This trip has helped me to define who I am as a person and as a care giver. It has also taught me who I want to become as I continue on with my education and life. I have learned a great deal about pharmacy but even more about compassion and selfless giving.
All my hours I have spent feeling helpless or useless were forgotten as I was visiting my last patient of the day Friday. He is a young man married with three children under the age of 5. As he lay in our hospital for weeks, a tumor was rapidly growing and closing his airway. Day after day we rounded on him with a casual “ENT consult” and moved on to the next patient. My anger grew until I couldn’t take it anymore. He was hardly able to breathe, eat, or talk. Within a matter of days he would be dead and I couldn’t bear to watch that happen. I found my preceptor to ask for guidance and couldn’t hold back my tears any longer. I was angry for letting myself cry, but I was so exhausted emotionally I didn’t have the strength to stop. To make a long story short, by taking matters into my own hands, I was able help get him scheduled for surgery, reviewed by oncology, and more importantly to give his wife someone to talk to for what she was going through. What felt like endless hours of work were rewarded this week when he was started on chemo and scheduled for radiation with an optimistic chance of survival. I was even able to find him a sponsor to cover the cost of his treatment. As I stopped by to see him before I left, he shook my hand while his wife hugged me and both were sobbing saying countless thank yous. Seeing their gratitude was overwhelming and it helped to confirm why I was here.
Though the culture may be different and difficult at times, the Kenyans are such a beautiful people. Working side by side with them has taught me how to adjust my work style in order to bring out the best in the team. We made some terrible mistakes as a team, but we also made some incredible saves. We will encounter many personalities and work ethics in the future and the most important thing we can do is learn to work together to provide the best care for our patients. This doesn’t mean giving up or slacking, but working longer and harder to accomplish what you are capable of. While here I have learned how to be an advocate for the patient and to not give up when you believe in something – especially when you believe in a patient.
I never knew anger could be such great fuel. When I look back on my time on the wards, the moments I’m most proud of were in response to moments that pushed me professionally and challenged me. Every effect has a cause. Why not use the cause to do great things. I don’t think I’ll soon forget what I have learned here, and I hope I never will. I believe I will be a better care giver in my career because of my experiences. My registrar, Nadia, told me repeatedly through our countless conversations to harden myself to what I was seeing around me so I can provide better care, but I think by doing that I would be letting myself slip. I enjoy the compassion I have for my patients and I intend to carry that on to the states. I think it’s especially important in America to have that drive when it’s becoming more and more about the money. I will always be grateful towards this rotation and the Kenyans for teaching me this. I can’t seem to find the right words for what I want to say, but I think one of my patients said it best when he told me, “we may be a very simple people, but God still smiles on us.”
Isabel Hagedorn, PharmD Candidate
February 2009
In a way, my time in Kenya has come full circle. You may remember my frustration I expressed in my early days here, and as I left on my final day my frustration had returned. More so for differing reasons, but the walk home was like déjà vu of my walk home from my first solo day on the ward.
Though my emotions are swirling and I’ve felt tormented at times, I wouldn’t trade a single second of my time here. This trip has helped me to define who I am as a person and as a care giver. It has also taught me who I want to become as I continue on with my education and life. I have learned a great deal about pharmacy but even more about compassion and selfless giving.
All my hours I have spent feeling helpless or useless were forgotten as I was visiting my last patient of the day Friday. He is a young man married with three children under the age of 5. As he lay in our hospital for weeks, a tumor was rapidly growing and closing his airway. Day after day we rounded on him with a casual “ENT consult” and moved on to the next patient. My anger grew until I couldn’t take it anymore. He was hardly able to breathe, eat, or talk. Within a matter of days he would be dead and I couldn’t bear to watch that happen. I found my preceptor to ask for guidance and couldn’t hold back my tears any longer. I was angry for letting myself cry, but I was so exhausted emotionally I didn’t have the strength to stop. To make a long story short, by taking matters into my own hands, I was able help get him scheduled for surgery, reviewed by oncology, and more importantly to give his wife someone to talk to for what she was going through. What felt like endless hours of work were rewarded this week when he was started on chemo and scheduled for radiation with an optimistic chance of survival. I was even able to find him a sponsor to cover the cost of his treatment. As I stopped by to see him before I left, he shook my hand while his wife hugged me and both were sobbing saying countless thank yous. Seeing their gratitude was overwhelming and it helped to confirm why I was here.
Though the culture may be different and difficult at times, the Kenyans are such a beautiful people. Working side by side with them has taught me how to adjust my work style in order to bring out the best in the team. We made some terrible mistakes as a team, but we also made some incredible saves. We will encounter many personalities and work ethics in the future and the most important thing we can do is learn to work together to provide the best care for our patients. This doesn’t mean giving up or slacking, but working longer and harder to accomplish what you are capable of. While here I have learned how to be an advocate for the patient and to not give up when you believe in something – especially when you believe in a patient.
I never knew anger could be such great fuel. When I look back on my time on the wards, the moments I’m most proud of were in response to moments that pushed me professionally and challenged me. Every effect has a cause. Why not use the cause to do great things. I don’t think I’ll soon forget what I have learned here, and I hope I never will. I believe I will be a better care giver in my career because of my experiences. My registrar, Nadia, told me repeatedly through our countless conversations to harden myself to what I was seeing around me so I can provide better care, but I think by doing that I would be letting myself slip. I enjoy the compassion I have for my patients and I intend to carry that on to the states. I think it’s especially important in America to have that drive when it’s becoming more and more about the money. I will always be grateful towards this rotation and the Kenyans for teaching me this. I can’t seem to find the right words for what I want to say, but I think one of my patients said it best when he told me, “we may be a very simple people, but God still smiles on us.”
Isabel Hagedorn, PharmD Candidate
February 2009
